Before I Met You

Well, maybe I wasn’t as bad as Usher in the song (I’ll drop a vid to the song later), but I still wasn’t the best guy around. The other day a friend said she heard cancers drop people like they change their draws.. I am older and can admit I am very guilty of that in the past. I get bored easily and instead of seeing  if it will get better, I ran. Lmao, it’s sad yet funny now that I think about it. Females have professed their feelings to me and just like the typical guy, I brushed it off nonchalantly; that is before you strolled into my life.

Then shit changed.

I actually cared, I thought about shit on a deeper level and took into account my actions and how they would make you feel if I acted upon certain things. It made me realize that I can actually care for someone and trust them without being fearful of being vulnerable. You know me on a level that Erika or Yasmin  may never know me on. Yet, because you know me, if I don’t speak on my feelings to check my playlist or what I’m listening to at any given moment because music speaks for me more than I could ever say.

Just in case I never see your face again
Just in case the worst was meant to happen Just in case tomorrow never come there is something you should know
I've given you every bit of the man I am
I know at times it wasn't pretty but it was all I had
I never held back not one lil bit and the world can attest to this
And baby you flipped my program upside down

Hip-Hop

So, if you never knew, Marshall Bruce Mathers III is my favorite emcee. He is one of the true lyricists we have now a days. Don't know who Marshall is? Well, then you're a dumb fuck who shouldn't even say you listen to hip-hop. For you other folks who don't listen to hip-hop, Marshall Mathers is none other then the controversial  Eminem a.k.a. Slim Shady. The man helped truly helped open my eyes to what being a lyricist is. I heard once, rap is just for the money and hip-hop is for love of it, well at least today. Hence why I called him an emcee and not a rapper, yes there is a difference. Even though I feel as if Relapse was very weak, and he's not the same Eminem I fell in love with when I heard "Stan" ( the song that coined calling someone a stan a.k.a. a fanboy of someone in the music industry), "Hellbound" and even " Toy Soldiers". I feel like he's seen what the game is becoming and he's losing the passion that he once had. It makes me sad but, such is life.

I guess I just wrote all of that a prerequisite, to say that if the music industry concerning hip-hop and rap. With the likes of Soulja Boy and bullshit of the likes, the great music I grew up to will be long forgotten to foolishness. That scares me.

I'll be back.

Part I of ?
 *drops mic and walks off bobbing head*

2.6.11

One step forward.
I let you know...
Then I run.
I cope
Five steps back...
To my solitude.
My safety
My abyss deepens
and I recede farther
from the things you call emotions
I'm not ready,
I'm scared..
No, I can't do this,
I just cant face it yet.
Not today.
I sip the glass as I fall deeper in,
The more I sip the more the I hide.
forget I spoke up,
it was a mistake.
End story.
I know;
I've failed myself.

Kyle 2.0

I decided the last night that I will do at minimum two posts a week for 30 days just to get myself in the notion of blogging more because the rate I update this blog is despicable. I am going to revamp my whole outlook on life, not because it’s a new year but because I want a better Kyle.

I am slightly put at ease from yesterday’s blog but, I am still afraid. This is new territory that I am exploring with an outdated map. So, now I blindly venture down this desolate road. Logic stands no chance here and reason is useless. I am way out of my comfort-zone and I am searching for new ways to cope. My scapegoat of solitude can’t help me here.

*drops mic and walks off*

Fear

I don't even know what to title this one honestly. I swore I'd tell you everything about myself but that one thing, it was the thing that Harmony and I shared, that one fact about my life, that I've kept hidden from you. Now that you know, I'm.. I'm.. I don't know. It was my secret and part of me wishes I never told you but Harmz is right, you have the right to know. Yet, all I can do is listen to my music and try to pretend I never told you, in hopes you will continue on as if I never told you... Honestly, I'm just typing until this feelings subsides just a tad, you patched all the holes up and filled any void there was effortlessly. The more you patched the more I ripped down all your progress, yet it was futile and I gave up and gave in. So here I am to day.

Hi, my name is Kyle, I have philophobia and I am facing my fears.

*drops mic and walks off into the darkness*